How long will i bang my head on a brick wall before i realise it cannot be moulded. It is a brick wall!

It is so annoying how i keep on putting myself into situations, surrounded by people who both define - awkward!  You know what is the most annoying part about this? The fact i have a choice. The choice being, i can choose to go to a good night involving, lemon lime and bitters (the best i have ever tasted in fact) and then party, dance. But no, i have chosen to go to a night involving awkward situations and bias religious teaching. Does it seem like i really should choose 1. But no, i am going to be silly and of course choose the second option. Which really isn't a bad option because it involves good company and everything, but i just feel as if hanging out with most of those people i am taking a walk in the past where i am really moving on with my life. But, there is a big part of me that wants to still stay, a little, in the future. This feeling i have is like (to quote sttw..) 'having a game of emotional ping-pong in my head'. One part of me really wants to just go crazy, which i feel i cannot do with 'them', where as the other part wants to remain friends (or even acquaintances) with them and just really teach them to grow up!

It is really sad how this cowardly-ness and unwillingness reminds me of how that little boy of only 6 passed away and he had no choice. Where as, these people have a choice and with that choice they have chosen to complain and not be willing to simply open their mind to the fact they are alive and should take advantage of that. But hey? I am so tired of trying to convince them that they should think of their life as a blessing. Trust me, a chronic illness does that to you. Opening your eyes, that is.

Sadly, i have to end this post on the note of how disappointed in a few people, (who luckily do not sum up human kind which, i was about to say..) i am. 

But do not fear! I cannot end on that totally depressing note. To be honest, i have really just become too tired to bang my head on a wall and get nowhere, anymore. I (A) cannot afford to do that and (B) cannot for my health. Help people who do not want to be helped. However, this has taught me, that people (like you for example) need to learn to see the signs that people do not want to be helped and just get out! It is toxic. For you, especially.