Bring me the independence!

Oh yeah.
3 days ago i got my P's! Twas awesome, however, i am afraid. You know why? because, i keep on speeding and cornering terribly! TERRIBLE! Yet, i have acheived so much, in a little amount of time, for example, brain surgery 2 times! Therefore, i should know most than many how us humans are NOT INVINCIBLE! Sad, i can hope and wish, but this is no dream we cannot have an accident and magically survive. :( As a result, most P platers must conclude the fact we are not invinsible, and must drive like that too, so no: mobiles, or speeding :) Thank you for allowing me to vent about silly little things 

Anger. Bad, very Bad!

Very recently i have been getting angry at nearly everything, simply washing up!
It is beyond frustrating and it just feels as if i cannot do anything to change however that really is not the case, i need to forgive & forget, because as it says in this article i just read if you don't forgive you are the one drinking poison not the other person! 
So, one thing i, and everyone, should do is doing a 'gratitude exercise', you basically write down everything whether that be past or present that you are/ have been grateful for.

Here goes, this is mine:
1. I am beyond grateful to BE ALIVE!
2. Having my parents around during the whole diagnosis, cancer, radio & after affects. I really don't know what i would have done if you weren't there for me. That has to be one of the biggest things i am grateful for. BIGGEST!    
3. Even if they aren't my definition of 'perfect', but my friends.
4. To have met all the inspirational people in hospital, showing me that i really do not have the worst diagnosis.
5. I am grateful for being able to return to uni, and now FT. Yay!
6. Monk! I love that show it always makes me laugh when nothing else can.
7. For my fav. doc. to call me a 'remarkable young lady'. That seriously made my day, after what i believed to be a crummy day at uni however it was myself that made it so sad.
8. To gaining good marks at uni - i believe that is because of spot's removal.
9. Being able to have Ben as a good friend until recently when i finally realised how different we truly are, as much as it breaks my heart. 

11. Having my parents around during the whole diagnosis, cancer, radio & after affects. I really don't know what i would have done if you weren't there for me. That has to be one of the biggest things i am grateful for. BIGGEST!
12. For my neurosurgeon being compassionate and telling me spot was malignant in an unusual, but perfectly tailored way.
13. Pretty/ unpretty (glee version) provided the last song i remember listening to before the major OP and this one line stuck in my head "i pity any girl who isn't me tonight". Now it was a surgery performed in the morning however, i just pitied any girl who wasn't as lucky as me to be diagnosed with enough time to be operated on. 
14. Another song - Stronger, Kelly Clarkson - was in the charts after my surgery and during my radiotherapy. It gave me strength because after everything i would be 'stronger'.
15. I have the strength to get over Ben.    

Too True

"love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged cupid painted blind?" - William Shakespeare.

Strength!

You know how Taylor Swift has come out with that new song about not getting back together with her boyfriend? Well, that is exactly how i feel about (someone we shall call..) 'womanizer'. It is so annoying because i have become quite comfortable with being, not so faithful because i have realized i was simply being a more faithful person to feel as if i belonged in that family. Even after all of the effort i went to i was not included in that family.

Therefore, i must have the inner strength to metaphorically slam the door in his face because he is a page in the book of my life that i have turned over and am ready to meet all the other people which i will meet because i wont have him breathing down my neck and frightening off all 'potential' suiters. I am being optimistic you see.

Change is needed!

You know what is frustrating? The fact the Catholic Church is about (in my eyes..) acceptance, no matter who you are and also what you believe and love. So, why does the church not accept people that call themselves 'gay' or 'lesbian'! Seriously, i know why i really don't like to go to church as much anymore. Maybe, because i am not in love with a parishioner and the major reason is because i can't stand how hypocritical the church is being, especially about gay marriage. Ah!
This dinner dance is really going to be fascinating, must keep mouth zipped. ZIPPED! 
However, being a soon to be health professional i really need to be an accepting person as a result, however, that really isn't too much of a problem seeing as i am not around the church crowd as much anymore. 

You know what is frightening? The fact, if i make my opinion known (for gay marriage) i will most likely be shunned by the Church that made me feel so welcome in the beginning. Gah, i hope i have the strength to make the right decision (Doc. Who). Strength be upon you all! :) 

Bullying just sucks!

Everytime i get a spare moment from uni work i watch, 'when nobody listens' which was on Sunday Night, a while ago now. Yet it still means more and more to me every time i watch it! There is a reason, that being, i wish to do something. However, i am not entirely sure what i can do now i have passed that age where i can do something. But, i was thinking i can be a 'model citizen' when i eventually become a professional, and put my no-bullying motto into practice when i work. 
What to do now though? Well, at uni i can just treat everyone the way i would wish to be treated.  Not only would i feel better within myself but make others feel better too!

Sadly, I always watch the suicidal videos and believe that if i was involved perhaps this terrible event wouldn't have happened. If i am honest, i do not believe i would have made any difference because in Miss Penpraze's case it was a deep, deep psychological problem that needed to be addressed. Even though it was in some ways being 'addressed', she was too far effected by this bullying in many forms - Cyber, in person - just to name a few. Really, i have many theories of what 'could of' helped yet at this point in time, i to be honest would not know what to say or do to change a young persons mind, when they have already attempted to kill themselves numerous times before. 
All i can say is R.I.P all those who have killed themselves, you didn't deserve to feel so low you believed death was the only way out. I'm sorry :(

I feel my license is slipping away.

It is sad, because just as i get my confidence, somewhat up. BAM i screw up and the driving instructor has the save my ass from going  into the car in front. SERIOUSLY! I thought i was better than that! Also, i stalled, what felt like a dozen times. GRRR However, what i have learnt is to: Not speed, give way at round-a-bouts, maintain a 3 second rule, know my road rules, not speed, not speed, not speed. Yeah the sad fact of the matter is once i get one thing down, BAM i have another dozen things to memorize and learn perfectly.